Beastiality

Tracklist

The Handsome Beasts are one of the many mostly-forgotten British heavy metal bands of the early 80’s, having only borne a single album, Beastiality, before pretty much disappearing off everyone’s radar until the end of the decade (and as it would turn out, pretty much forever). Sometimes digging up these lost albums yields buried musical treasure. In the Beasts’ case, however, the enticing wooden chest is filled to the brim with trinkets and, though lost, isn’t necessarily going to be missed.

Naturally, it is the ridiculous cover art that draws in the potential listeners that stumble upon its existence (there’s a fat, hairy swine in a pig pen…and there’s a pretty big pig in there too!), but they might just stay for the straight-laced groove of the music within. These guys get lumped in with the NWOBHM movement, but I can’t help but feel that had more to do with their location than their actual sound, as Beastiality rocks a spiffy 70’s niche that’s a little dated compared to some of their contemporaries’ landmark work during this period. But while Iron Maiden and Witchfinder General were leaning towards darker realms and advancing the sound of metal as we know it, The Beasts were content to continue forging ahead the heavy, but decidedly cheerier brand of rock ‘n’ roll that Motorhead and the Nuge had cranked loud and proud throughout the previous decade. Simple blues-based riffs are the order of the (half) hour, paired with mostly laid-back tempos and attempts at catchy vocal hooks. Nothing particularly exciting or impressive, but with just enough gusto to keep the listener from going catatonic. Really, their ‘heavy metal’ credentials are arguable: a few borrowed Randy Rhoads licks are the only bite the Beasts have to offer on an otherwise inoffensive record. There’s some primo jamming to be found in the extended “Another Day” and a general consistency among the tracks, but nothing worth hunting down and bragging about when captured.

Maybe if the production wasn’t as flat or if singer Garry Dalway’s bark was as big as…well, his belly….then I could give a more confident thumbs-up to this release. As it stands, the Beasts do a decent impression of a great 70’s rock band. A curio if there ever was one.